Miles

by: Tania Shannon Arifin

Sitting, wondering, and wishing, I still remembered how we would just watch the raindrops when we were small, and spend our days together. Words can’t describe how I truly miss your warmest side next to mine. There I was on our favorite bench, where we would use our time just to be together with even the coldest and warmest weather, trying to remember how we were in the past. Suddenly, I just remembered, the memories I had with you. Ever since we were small, we made a promise, a promise that forever we will be together, yet undivided. Until we were ten years old, there wasn’t anything that came between us. Unfortunately, we didn’t realize how fast time was, you had to move to a different school in a different city. You told me you had to pursue your dreams, and I did too, on becoming a successful musician. I was inconsolable when you told me that, but I knew you would never shut me out on anything. We were separated by a four and a half hour tramp ride, about 280 miles to be exact. I’m here in London, while you’re there in Paris.

A few years have passed, and I’m now here in Tokyo. Time has just never been on our side. Its 7 hours ahead here, and I’m still not able to reach you by phone. I tried several conversations with you, but I should accept the fact that maybe you’re too busy. It felt like I tried to be there for you, but you were just not able to give time for me. Thereafter, nothing was the same. Then I just met this guy, Liam. He’s one of the members of the orchestra in Tokyo. As I spend time with him, getting to know him much deeper, without realizing I thought you were near. With the change of time and how you live so distant to me, it led me to reconsider my feelings. He showed me too much care, and would spend most of our days together. For days and weeks we act like lovers, but don’t worry, we were only friends. No matter how close Liam and I were, the good-looking, and loving smile that I see in him; I would always picture him as you. It appears; I would never forget a thing about you. It’s impossible for me to repay how caring he is to me, for my love is only you.

For all that reason, I came to a point where I unexpectedly come to a decision; it is time for us to meet. In spite of that we’re still not grown ups yet, and I still have concerts to be attending, I decided through e-mails to make a pact. A pact that later when we’re 27 years old, we would be wise enough to meet in a train station in Paris, where I would take you to our hometown, London. If we both came on that day, maybe it’s an answer that we are soul mates. Though if you don’t, it showed that we’re both meant to move on from each other.

Days and days I’ve waited for that day. It felt so long to just wait until the day of the pact comes. That being the case, I’ve tried to find another guy, to see if you’re really the only person I want to love, care, and live the rest of my life with. Though, no matter how hard I’ve tried, I still have that feeling towards you deep inside my heart. I had a lot of reasons to give up on you, yet I chose to stay. So after days, weeks, and even months of still searching and thinking of what I should do, I’ve decided to hold on to you, and just fight for the pact, while I wait for you. Years and years I’ve waited, I tried to be faithful and trust that you will come on that day.

Here it is, the day of the pact came. To describe, I am possibly excited but I would probably have an anxiety attack when waiting for him in the train station. I dressed as neat as possible and waited for you about three hours in that brown-colored wooden seat. I was completely unable to speak. At some point, I lost hope, and tears started streaming down my eyes. I didn’t know where you were and if you were about to come. Though I waited until our stipulated time, still, you’re not there. The feeling of happiness like I can’t touch the ground, turned 180 degrees to a feeling filled with sorrow. I was on my way, headed up the stairs with such depression that I couldn’t even express, I saw you, holding hands with another girl. There I was, staring at who I thought would be my soul mate, changed my life, forever. Hence, the wish I had came with the undesired reality. 

I was completely hurt, but the pact says it all. It’s impossible to take it away, for you are like my heart, and I cant live without you. As I learned about the truth, at some point something warmed my spirits. It made me able to smile, through looking at the train that passed me, where I thought I would go back to my hometown; with the guy I desired the most. I realized that there isn’t anymore those childhood days where I would be incautious and foolish with that “best friend”, while just forget that unwanted things do happen in this world, because those things don’t come easily in life. Sometime later, with someone special beside me, I would be able to watch the raindrops at the speed of light, and realize that things only happen once, because time goes faster than you assume. I think to myself, I’ll forget you one day, Miles.